Melissa sent this to me back on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008 (YEAH, its an old one), which just goes to show you, just because I don’t post things doesn’t mean I won’t get to it.
This is meant for Dogs and/or Cats, but I’d like to add Rabbits to this too…even if it doesn’t make any sense, Rabbits are people too!
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.
Dear Dogs and/or Cats (or Rabbits),
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.Â The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Â Please note, placing a paw print in
The middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it, nor do I find that
aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.Â Beating
meÂ to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I
fallÂ faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this.Â Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If byÂ some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open.Â I must exit through the same door
IÂ entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years –canine or feline
attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s
butt. IÂ cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That’s why they call it “!fur-niture”.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short,
hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.
Remember: Dogs and cats (and rabbits) are better than kids in many ways because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don’t ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5.Â Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes
10. Don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and…
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.