BORAT
Holy God… They announced Borat was there, in person, and would come from the Woman’s restroom in the hall. Sure enough, out he comes surrounded by a video crew. He’s applauded as he walks up to the front of the stage and has to navigate the guard railing set up. He finally gets around that and tries to pull himself up on stage.

See that table to his left? Seconds after this picture was taken, he grabs ahold of the cloth and tries to use it help him up on the stage. All he does pull the table about 2 feet closer to him, ripping off the cloth and sending him falling back. He finally manages it up and waves to us all. He goes up and speaks. He talks about loving comic books, how there was a popular comic book in Kazakhstan called Astonishing Woman (or something very close to that. Hard to hear over the laughter) who had the power of having 6 breasts… two on her back, two on her front and two “underneath” and had a magic vagina that could give birth to 14 healthy baby boys at the same time. Then introduced the clip… Oh sweet lord…

It starts off simply enough. Borat is in a Civil War antiques store, Confederate flags everywhere. The owner obviously isn’t an actor, but a real dude… or at least a brilliant actor that made me think he was a real dude. Borat ends up doing some weird pratfalls breaking nearly every antique plate and dish in the room. He caused $425 in damages and tries to pay it off with human hair, bagged from Kazakhstan. The owner is getting pissed and a short, fat dude comes in to help pay his debt (Ken Davitian). They argue in a foreign language and the redneck owner just gets fed up and tells them to just get out.
They drive back to the hotel, Ken chastising him for breaking all that stuff and taking up a ton of their budget for their American trip. The next thing we see is them inside their hotel room. Borat is in the bath, soap bubbles hiding his junk. He’s sitting forlornly, contemplative look on his face. Here’s where it got me…
Borat walks out, naked, but we only see him from the waist up. When exits the bathroom and sees the bed Ken Davitian is completely naked, vigorously masturbating to a nudie magazine, held just in front of his junk. This image fucks me up. Ken is a short, hairy extremely fat dude.
Borat gets furious. Apparently someone in that nudie book means a lot to him and we get the impression that he’s in America searching for her. But he charges the fat dude and tackles him. What follows next is an all out nude man on man wrestling fight. Borat’s junk is blacked out, but the black bar indicates at least a 2 foot penis. They’re rolling around, hugging each other, pushing away and inevitably end up in almost every sexual position. Borat throws Ken against the bed, he doubles over and Borat goes in for a wrestle hold, laying his naked body bare on his back, his cock press against teh dude’s ass. They somehow end up on the bed in a 69 position, the fat guy’s harry spread butt-crack going up and down right above Borat’s nose, his gigantic pear-shaped balls hovering just over Borat’s mouth.
The fat guy gets off and runs out of the room, still naked as hell. Borat gives chase. They run down the hall and both run into an elevator… a full elevator. With people that didn’t expect to see 2 naked men fighting each other. The look on their faces are priceless. The elevator dings and it looks like everybody gets quickly out of the elevator, even if it wasn’t their floor. The two still tussle and the camera pans over to see one old dude who wasn’t willing to get off on a floor that wasn’t his, no matter what the hell was in that elevator with him.
The elevator opens on the lobby. The chase continues and eventually ends up in the conference room of the hotel where a real estate agent’s convention is going on. The run through the shocked crowd and finally tackle each other on the stage. One of the yuppy looking real estate guys screams, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” and really violently grabs Borat by the back of the neck. The clip ended here.
I will have nightmares about the begin of that naked fight. But count me as one of the converted. I’ve seen the light and it is good. Long live Borat. There was a screening of the full BORAT film tonight, but unfortunately I wasn’t invited…