I found this in my e-mail in a folder from June of 2007, I thought it was funny then so I kept it and I still think its funny now, enjoy:
Smart @$$ Answer:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, ” Low Bridge Ahead.” Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got stuck, huh?”
The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”
Today’s vocabulary lesson: Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
A man in the supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce.
The young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce.
The man persists, and asks to see the manager.
The boy says he’ll ask his manager about it.
Walking into the back room, the boy says to his manager, “Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce.”
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, “And this gentleman
has kindly offered to buy the other half.”
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, “I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.
We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?”
“Canada, sir,” the boy replied.
“Well, why did you leave Canada?” the manager asked.
The boy said, “Sir, there’s nothing but whores and hockey players up there.”
“Really?” said the manager. “My wife is from Canada.”
“No shit?” replied the boy. “Who’d she play for?”