Call Center Research

Yet another old one from Melissa, this one dates back to August 17th, pretty funny.

Check them out:

Can’t get through

Customer: “I’ve been ringing your call centre on 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?”
Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?”
Customer: “It was on the door to the travel centre.”
Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours.”

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WordPerfect Customer Support

Tech: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Tech: “What sort of trouble?”
Customer: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Tech: “Went away?”
Customer: “They disappeared.”
Tech: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?”
Customer: “Nothing.”
Tech: “Nothing?”
Customer: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Tech: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?”
Customer: “How do I tell?”
Tech: “Can you see the “C” prompt on the screen?”
Customer: “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Tech: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?”
Customer: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Tech: “Does your monitor have a power indicator?”
Customer: “What’s a monitor?”
Tech: “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?”
Customer: “I don’t know.”
Tech: “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?”
Customer: “…Yes, I think so.”
Tech: “Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.”
Customer: “…Yes, it is.”
Tech: “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech: “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Customer: “…Okay, here it is.”
Tech: “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Customer: “I can’t reach.”
Tech: “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech: “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?”
Customer: “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle-it’s because it’s dark.”
Tech: “Dark?”
Customer: “Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.”
Tech: “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Customer: “I can’t.”
Tech: “No? Why not?”
Customer: “Because there’s a power outage.”
Tech: “A power… a power outage? Aha! Okay, we’ve got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?”
Customer: “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
Tech: “Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
Customer: “Really? Is it that bad?”
Tech: “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
Customer: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?”
Tech: “Tell them you’re too stupid to own a computer.” _________________________________________________________
Directory Enquiries

Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please.”
Operator: “I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?”
Caller: “Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.”

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Tech support: always there for you

One day a guy calls tech support. This is a little like how it went…

Customer: hello?
Technical Support: hello
Customer: yeah, my cup holder broke and my computer is still under warranty, so I
would like to get it replaced.
Technical Support: ummm cup holder?
Customer: yeah cup holder…
Technical Support: ummm did you get it with a promotional offer?
Customer: no
Technical Support: umm are you sure you got the right company?
Customer: yeah
Technical Support: Ummm… i ‘m sorry if I sound confused, because I am.
Customer: well it’s square, and it’s on the front of the computer, and it comes out when you press a button…

At this point the Tech support guy had to put the guy on hold so he could finish laughing…

The guy had broken his CD-ROM drive, thinking it was a cup holder.

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One thing that has always bugged me, and I’m sure it does most of you,
is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone
call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to
be as irritating to them as they were to me. This particular call
happened to be from AT&T and it went something like this:

Me: Hello
AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T…
Me: This is AT&T?
AT&T: Yes This is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Byron please?
Me: May I ask who is calling?
AT&T: This is AT&T.
Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes
thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the
phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked
up the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?
AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron?
Me: May I ask who is calling please?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T…
Me: Is this AT&T?
AT&T: Yes this is AT&T…
Me: The phone company?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
Me: I already have a phone.
AT&T: We aren’t selling phones today Mr. Byron.
We would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours
a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
Me: Now, that’s 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, Sir, that’s right! 24 hours a day!
Me: 7 days a week?
AT&T: That’s right.
Me: 365 days a year?
AT&T: Yes sir.
Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That’s
amazing!
AT&T: We think so!
Me: That’s quite a sum of money!
AT&T: Yes sir, it’s amazing how it adds up.
Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?
AT&T: Excuse me?
Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.
AT&T: What are you talking about?
Me: You said you’d give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I’m just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.
AT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn’t mean we’d be paying you. You pay US 10 cents a minute.
Me: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by saying that you’ll give me 10 cents a minute, that I’ll give YOU 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I’ve read about things like this
in the Enquirer, you know.
AT&T: No, Sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for…
Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
AT&T: Sir, I don’t think that is necessary.
Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

At this point I begin trying to finish my dinner.

Supervisor: Mr. Byron?
Me (with mouth full of food): Yeth?
Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program.
Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
Supervisor: Yes, Sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter and I had to be careful not to produce a snort.

Me: No, actually, I was just waiting for someone to get back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.
Supervisor: OK, no problem, I’ll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.
Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and managed a few more mouthfuls. I needed to end this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Byron, I understand that you are interested in signing up for our plan?
Me: No, but I was wondering — do you have that “friends and family” thing? Because you can never have enough friends and I’m an only child and I’d really like to have a little brother…
AT&T: (*Click*)

Good stuff! Enjoy!

–Socram

Cos
About Cos 5064 Articles
Marcos Cosme has had a love for writing and film since he was little. By combing those two passions, he started studying film early on in Middle School and High School writing screenplays and working in his High School television production studio. When it came time for college he decided to pursue a bachelors in Electronic Film making from Fairleigh Dickinson University. Marcos continues to be an avid watcher of movies and scripted television series, although he does, on occasion, watch some reality shows. He has watched hundreds of movies during the course of his life and has worked in various roles on small independent film projects, including writing, producing and directing. In his spare time Marcos loves to write screenplays, read books, contribute articles, blogs and reviews on various topics including (but obviously not limited to) movies, television, books, and wrestling; just to name a few. He is a Rabbit aficionado (he has a dwarf rabbit named Peanut-who is the logo of Cos' Blog) and is a Golden Retriever connoisseur (he has two Goldens named Cassie and Chloe). He also love to spend time with his wife and as of July of 2015 they welcomed their first child, Miles, who can occasionally be seen on the blog.

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