Quick Raw Review 3/24/14

Rough & RAW Recap


Opener: Steph comes out and brags about HHH beating down Bryan.  Orton comes out and kisses her ass as usual.  Batista comes out and calls Orton a tool as usual.  Then Batista talks about Orton drooling all over Steph.  Can’t say I blame him.  She looked amazing in those leather pants.


Fatal 4 Way-#1 Contender for the I.C. Title

Christian Vs Sheamus Vs Dolph Vs Alberto Del Rio

Really strong outing for these four.  Christian sneaks up on Ziggler and gets the right to face Big E on Main Event.  Why the I.C. title has become a regular on Main Event I don’t know, but I guess it’s a step above whatever they’re (not) doing with the U.S. title.


The less said about Sin Cara Vs Sandow and Los Matadores Vs Rybaxel, the better.  The only noteworthy thing was the Shield getting revenge on Rybaxel for SD.


HHH does his stupid sit down with Cole that he usually does on wwe.com.  He didn’t say anything all that interesting except that apparently the fans complain on Twitter too much.  WOW.  Maybe if the fan base didn’t feel completely ignored and abandoned there wouldn’t be so much complaining.  Also, isn’t this the same company that does nothing but promote their prescience on Twitter?  I thought so.


Fandango Vs Cody was also forgettable.  Summer tried the hurt ankle routine, but it backfired this time and Fandango lost.


Hogan did a segment shilling Arnold Schwarzenegger and Joe Manganiello’s new movie because that’s what Hogan does best these days.  Between shilling WrestleMania, the Network, Rent-a-center and Radio Shack its amazing he has time for anything else.  Miz comes out because he’s a giant shill as well.  He claims he’s going to win the Andre battle royal only to get tossed out of the ring by a 60 year old cripple and two actors.  Yikes.


ANOTHER fucking throw away match this time between Big Show and Titus O’Neil.  NO ONE CARES ABOUT THESE GUYS.  They have all these people that are waiting to be called up in the Orlando robot factory and they keep guys like this employed.  For what reason?  WWE needs to be more like the NFL.  If your not performing up to sniff pretty quickly, your gone.  There are too many people waiting in line to waste time on bullshit like this.


Cena is in the bathroom washing his face and sees a sheep mask behind him in the mirror.  He turns around and it’s gone.  A little cheesy, but I am really enjoying the build to this match despite knowing how it’s going to end.


Divas Title

Naomi Vs AJ

A.J. walks out, getting counted out on purpose.  Vickie comes out and makes a Divas title invitational for WrestleMania which I believe is a gauntlet type match where two people start and after a fall occurs the next person comes out.  So all the divas will be in it including Eva Marie (dear God, NO) and Tamina which pretty much guarantees that either she’ll be the one to eliminate A.J. an or win the whole thing herself.  Would be nice to see a champion who they won’t have job week after week whoever that may end up being.


Shield (Rollins and Ambrose)Vs Real Americans

The Shield was amazing as always.  I can’t say enough about these guys.  They just do cool shit every time.  Cesaro was great but definitely the pawn in this instance as the Shield basically dominated the high spots.  I find it hilarious how the “we the people” chants are loud when Cesaro is in and the second Swagger tags in, they stop dead.  Like not even going a little or fading out.  Just drop dead over.  Shield win and then powerbomb Cesaro through the announce table just because they can.  Kane and the Outlaws come out to announce they’ll be facing the Shield at Mania in a six man tag.


Lesnar-Taker confrontation

Heyman expounds as only he can, but is cut off by Brock who just wants to get his paycheck and leave.  I would too if my checks looked like his.  Taker druids show up with a casket.  Heyman and Lesnar just pace around and rub their faces for what feels like forever.  Lesnar finally open the casket only to find it empty.  We’ve seen this one before.  TV voice over guy: “Next time on secrets of the Undertaker revealed”.  Lesnar and Heyman are about to storm out when the lid re-opens and of course there’s a seven foot undead zombie inside.  Who saw that coming?  Only everyone.  Even the five year olds were like “Mommy, the apron moved right when they put the casket there”.  Taker and Lesnar brawl and Lesnar ends up taking a nasty head first spill onto the casket because no one has ever suffered a major injury being thrown into one before right?  Taker rolls his eyes and so do we, but with a totally different meaning behind it.


Good fight.  Good night.

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